Buzzed, By Noah Baumbach
To learn more about the biochemistry of addiction, scientists in Australia dropped liquefied freebase cocaine on bees’ backs, so it entered the circulatory system and brain. The scientists found that bees react much like humans do: cocaine alters their judgment, stimulates their behavior and makes them exaggeratedly enthusiastic about things that might not otherwise excite them.
—The TimesOh, my God, get over here … hurry … come on come on come on. Taste this nectar, taste it, taste it… . Slurp… . Is that not, is that not the best fucking thing you’ve ever had? Like nectar of the fucking Gods! It’s like the greatest hits of nectar. A double-album greatest hits, like those red and blue Beatles records where they’re looking down at us off a balcony but they have facial hair in one of them. Oh, my God, I just flew over to this, to this lily. Look at me on the lily?! Is that not, is that not so weird? I’m like buzzing around and then I land… . I don’t know why that struck me as so odd just then. My little feet on the petal. Is that odd? It seems so funny to me. Oh, my God, you gotta try this pollen. It’s so fucking … it’s better than the nectar, even. This is the best fucking pollen I’ve ever had. God, I so badly wanna just go sting the fuck out of someone, you know? Just land on their ass and sting… . I’m so fucking jazzed right now. And then I hope they’re allergic and they just blow up! We gotta get out of this hive, we gotta get mobile … “Going Mobile”! The Who was a good band. Let’s go find a picnic or some sunbathers or something… . I’d love some coconut suntan lotion or a … beer. Wouldn’t you love a six-pack of Stella Artois right now? That’s the best beer. Stel-la! That was actually a pretty good imitation, don’t you think? The guy who played him in the movie, the “Streetcar” … who am I thinking of? It’s on the tip of my … Jesus, what’s wrong with me I can’t come up with this dude’s name? … Or how about, how about: a coconut Stella Artois beer?! Wouldn’t that be the best and you could spread it all over your body and it’s U.V. 1,000 or 1,000 proof or something. God, I want to sting someone… . Oh, my God, my antennae are like supersensitive right now… . Don’t … don’t touch … I said don’t! It’s O.K., it’s cool, it’s cool. You see that little bee … you see that little drone?
